Back to the Basics.

Since my email is logged onto a different blogger account, I think I'm sticking to it. It's been a nice run, here on this blog..and I shall return, but it'll probably be occasionally. Goodbye blog #1.

Much Love Always,
Mariann

My other blog: http://murrrrrannnnn.blogspot.com/

New Year.

Yes! I have officially turned 17, and it feels AWESOME. I'm so Thankful to be Blessed with another year to inhale all the happenings Life has to offer me and what God has yet to show me. With everything happening, I'm glad I can keep moving forward to a greatly-expected year.

I had only allowed myself to smile on my Birthday and that daily ritual is not a bad thing ;)

Annnnnd that is all :)

<3 Always,
Mariann

Promise me,

that we'll be friends for a Lifetime.

<3
Mariann

Excuse me if this is out of context ... :)

There's nothing more sexy than...
ADAM LEVINE.

Hahaha. Seriously. In reality, there's nothing quite more sexy than a guy who can:
-Go to Mass with me each Sunday and on the Holy/Obligation days
-Pray the Rosary with me
-Get along with my Family
-Make plans for a date
-Cook
-Use cute feminine words
-Be comfortable in his skin
-Be outgoing yet intelligent
-Cuddle with me on a rainy day, watching TV and sipping a hot drink
-Sing to me, whether he's on key or not
-Play an instrument
-Wear anything, and still rock it
-Find interest in what I like
-Try new things with me
-Catch me off guard on my bad days and make me smile
-Do the simple things to make me smile
-Make me feel beautiful in my own flaws
-Walk the walk, not just talk the talk
-Drive the speed limit and not speed-race
-Text me randomly, and make me smile regardless what he says
-Text me Good Morning
-Act the same whether it be only us or with friends
-Share the same morals as me
-Bring me skydiving
-Take risks with me
-Love me for me
-Be vulnerable
-Joke around
-Keep his lips soft
-Admit he's a Momma's boy
-Admit that he's wrong when he really is
-Put up with me when I'm mad
-Play golf with my Dad (Lol)
-Change my views on certain ideas
-Be my Best friend, Mentor and my significant other
-Take care of kids
-Smell good at anytime of the day
-Have a heart-to-heart conversation
-Trust Me
-Make me feel Loved, Protected and Safe
-Believe in whatever I do
-Impress my parents :)


Gemini's like to make lists...so here it is :)

This is not all, sooo maybe I'll add on...another day.

Love.Smile.Give Thanks.
Mariann

Change.

Sometimes you can't help the feeling of disbelief. Point blank.

I went into camp with a slightly negative view, but came out of it with more certainty. It's the feeling of something so small that can ruin your experiences, and that happened to affect me.

The attitude that I try to reflect upon others is positivity. I come off with a positive sense and a really kind characteristic. But that won't cut it for certain situations. When you have a high-standing position, you're supposed to take charge...that's just an automatic trait to portray. I felt like the past year, I have been such a push-over. It bothers me that when I see that word it reminds me of myself. Not to say that being a push-over is a bad thing, but it also is not necessarily a good thing, either. When I try to stand my ground, it is not firm, therefore I felt that I did not get the respect that I deserved. Honestly, it kind of hurts my heart to be treated this way, but I can't blame the situation.

This year, I want change. Hopefully not completely as a person, rather, a change in my leadership. A change that will help me stand my ground but will not put me out of line or character. I am not willing to completely change myself for respect. I want to earn the respect, give the respect and also respect myself and what I believe in. I pray to overcome the obstacles I know I will face this year. It won't be easy, but knowing that I can say what I need to say and keep my confidence...will be a goal that I've accomplished. I guess until then...I'll have to play it by ear. But, it starts now. I'm ready for whatever there is to come because..what does not kill me, can only make me stronger. And, whether I fail or succeed, The Lord is by my side with the next piece that's suppose to fit my puzzle.

Sincerely Always,
Mariann

Random.

I just want to say...Lady Gaga's song, "Edge of Glory", makes me move like I wanna, like I wanna. Lol. Basically.

This blog probably won't piece together very smoothly, but I guess we'll change this up a bit, yes?

Although I meant to pack yesterday for my upcoming 3-day trip...I have yet to do so! I mean...it is only three days- how hard is it to pack a few outfits and necessities? I'm bound to forget something..knock on wood. My thoughts about this trip concluded to uncertainty, but at the end of the day, I throw all my negative thoughts away, and just bound to have fun. I really hope I don't feel otherwise!

I actually got a random phone call today, and it made me smile. Although it only lasted for 12 minutes, the fact that Father R. made time to return my phone call, meant a lot. I called him the night before and asked him to include a prayer throughout the months..but I didn't think he'd call back. Anyway, he will be off to the PI at around the same time my Birthday falls on. It's an annual thing to hang out with him and my Aunties and Uncles...but that's okay that it may not happen this year. When he said "I'm happy to be going home", that did it for me. He works so hard and diligently, his annual trips are well-deserved. He's a Best Friend for life, and I'm excited for whatever's next to come after he's back. I'm sure we're going fishing with Uncle Leo..I'm excited!

I cannot believe it's been about two weeks since the BEAUTIFUL wedding! I'm so happy for Sharisse and Jing that they both have found happiness in each other. Love stories are the best, and the best part of that is that I got to see it bloom. Aww :)

Oh last but not least. The sweetest of the sweets. The feeling you get around whatever/whomever that keeps you happy. I've encountered that feeling and it feels good. For the most part, being around my cousins keep me sane. I can talk to them about anything and they give me the best advice. I'm so thankful. Now it's my turn to put everything into play..whether I decide to speak about how I feel or not. But I guess that's for another personal blog..or not. But anyway...I have to pack for camp now :P Cleaning didn't happen today, so I guess I have something to do on Friday when I get back.

Please pray for a safe trip and keep me in your thoughts. Thanks :)

Good night!

<3,
Mariann

Home Stretch.

Everything, right now, seems at peace. Momma made it home just in time for Mother's Day,and having her here is comforting. Everything else in the world that brings unhappiness, has flown away for a little. But now it is back.

School is ending in two weeks, and the countdown begins. I feel like there are so many things I have to worry about, trying to fit in extra classes during the summer and taking care of my Senior year. Shooting for an easy year, I know it'll be nothing but adventures and craziness. I'm on that mental game, though. I try to stay more focused than ever and shoot down Finals. Honestly, I'm mentally drained from my AP testing and all I'm thinking about is Summer. I'm a little discouraged at the moment, but my Hopes stay higher than the skies. Trying to overcome this won't be easy, but I'm gonna do it!


Somehow I just stay distracted. This is not a bad thing, but I often catch myself off-guard thinking about other things. Sometimes when you prioritize, one of your priorities is raging to the top when it shouldn't be. I feel that God is giving me a sign, telling me to take action. Like a turtle, I stay hiding inside my shell. I'm scared to discover what this is all supposed to be about, but maybe He brings this to me at a good point in my Life and for a specific reason. Until then, He will know all my thoughts as I smile about it throughout the day, and pray about it in the night. I hope I can build up this kind of courage to speak my mind and come out of the shell. But for now...I have to keep these studies first and who knows what Summer will bring. I guess we will just take it day by day :)

Warmly,

Mariann

Stumbled.

Butterflies? Maybe. Off guard smiles? Definitely.

Once in a Lifetime or ten times in a Lifetime, you may stumble upon a unique individual. Not necessarily someone you "like", but definitely someone whom you have the utmost respect for and care much about. I did not solely mean for this to puzzle out- it just did. I'm more than Thankful that it happened and I feel absolutely Blessed that it somehow occurred to me at the right time. A blog in progress, I'm sure to keep up with. It's past bed time. I shall continue with this soon.

I hope you all enjoyed Easter. It was quite Beautiful to say the least. Alleluia, Alleluia.

Blessings and new Season of Greetings,

Mariann

Good Friday.

I hope that by the end of the night, you remember ultimately what today was about.

Peacefully,

Mariann

The moment where ...

you admit you like someone, never thinking they felt the same way about you..but it became the past and now you wish you would have said something.

^I just encountered that incident yesterday, not personally..but I wish I would have said something -________-'

Some things are better left unsaid, I guess..

Careless Mistakes

Dear Blogspot,

Here's another story for you.

I made a Careless Mistake tonight.
-> So, tonight happened to be a scheduled bonfire with friends. Attending it at a later time, I knew I had to keep a schedule with my parents...so I did. I guess I got caught up in my emotions with my friends that time passed by so quick. As I promised my dad I'd be home by 9, it was 11:00. My phone died, and it took me a while to charge it back up. My stupidity teenage mind took over, thinking that since my parents didn't contact me between 9 and 11, that they'd be asleep. Boy was I wrong. They were worried sick..but obviously I didn't care enough to call..as I usually do. I honestly didn't mean to worry my parents, but I did get that instinct throughout the night after 9. I feel so disappointed in myself. When I went home, I prepared for the worse. Rather, it was quite calm. The most hurtful thing happened when I started crying- hearing my dad tell me that I lied to him and that he was sad and disappointed in me. Thinking about it really kills me to know that I disappointed my parents, once again. I know I can never compare myself to my brother, and I shouldn't..I should be my own person..but I guess I don't feel good enough.

Which brings me to my last point:
Not feeling good enough. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Tonight at the bonfire, all my friends opened up with each other. With all that said, we did some "confessions" by the end of the night. The boy that I used to like and still like, was sitting there. I wish I had the guts to say something like everyone else did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess things are just better left unsaid. That is because I don't feel "good enough" to tell him. Although he opened up to a girl that was also there, and told her that he used to like her and think she was cute..I thought that if I were to say something, it just wouldn't be good enough.

Then at the end of the night ..I collected all my thoughts and processed it through. I know I am good enough- I just tend to be spoken down by my thoughts. Whatever I'm going through, it's a little rough, but I know I can overcome it. I know this is a lot to gather...but it is therapeutic and nice for me to be able to get this out one way or another.

Best Regards,

Mariann

Post-Elections

Today would probably be a bitter sweet day.

Election/appointed jobs were posted on the school's website today. I grew more than anxious to click on the link that would determine what my Senior year would look like. Like everything else related to this, I have a numb feeling about it. Some of my friends are in my council, and that may not be a good thing. Sometimes mixing friendship with work does not work out. At the end of the day, I have a job and duty to attend to, and nothing will stop me from doing so. It's just that I'm not sure if EVERYONE really knows what they're in for. Yeah- they may have been elected because others thought greatly of them...but did they enter for the right reasons? I honestly can't be the one to answer that.

I don't know..lately I've been having mixed feelings about everything. I don't like over analyzing things, yet I'm here doing so. Just kind of need to let things out without really having to communicate with someone, I guess. Through this whole experience, I've seen Jesus in every aspect. Whether it be bad or good.. I've seen it. I've prayed endlessly about my fate, and here it is, right in front of me. I've seen the not-so-nice side of people, and I've seen the utmost leadership potential in people. To say the least, I have gone through a world-wind ... but it definitely got me to where I'm supposed to be..or at least, it is where I think I'm supposed to be.

Aside from all this seriousness ... I bought a Pig Pillow Pet ..and I know I'm too old for it..but it's soooooooooooooooooo cute. I could NEVER find it at Target..until today..yet again, everything just fell into place for me :)

On the counter-side of things...I kind of flopped my Junior Parent Info Night presentation ... ahhhg. Okay. I'm stopping here.

Sincerely,

Mariann

Dear Anonymous,

You're a really nice person. I guess that kind of got me fooled, but I can't say that I wasn't warned in the beginning. I'm a little torn and embarrassed, but it's nothing that I can't smile back on and move forward from. It's Human. Sometimes I wish I was not too curious about your life so that whatever that was said/done, I wouldn't have a reaction to it. Now that everything has been put into place, I truly and honestly wish you the best. I knew nothing would ever blossom, but I can't say I did not try. To be honest, I think I tried too much for it to become something or anything. I'm content to say we are nothing alike. That can be a good and a bad thing. But for this instance, it is a good thing. Now, I feel like everything is a blur. I wish I didn't expect something from you..even though I knew not to, I did, because I kind of believed in something that obviously was not there. Time has passed and we've all kept moving forward, but I really hope you don't forget about me. Even if you do, I wish you knew the complete story of my side. I wish you would have made a better effort towards me. Sometimes wishes come true, but this one was meant to stay in a dream. Thanks for everything.

-I guess it is therapeutic to be able to write to a specific anonymous just to get the word out, although they may never see it or know about it.-

Yours,
Mariann

Zoned out.

My Uncle passed away last Friday. Please keep him in your prayers- I'd really appreciate it, and I know he would too. It's a good note we left of on- to know that we spent Christmas together, and that I was the last time I would see you. I did not think it would be the last time, but it happened to be. A peaceful farewell to you, Uncle. I'll be looking for the rainbow you meant to shine to let me see. I know we never had the best relationship or even A relationship, but regardless of anything you have gone through, we stayed family. That'll never change. Thanks for being a part of our Lives. To be honest, you taught me to be everything you weren't. That's a good thing. You told my brother and myself to be responsible, successful and hard working. I will keep your word as a promise, as Matt has already shined forth. Take care and rest easy with the Lord. Please especially watch over the family. Me and dad aren't on good terms because I'm a teenager, and I know you know what it's like raising three crazy teens. Please bring some sense to all of us. I love you. See you someday, Uncle.

Always,
Mariann

Unopened Gift.

Sometimes we cross paths with people whom we care for. But, it comes to show that they don't realize how much love we have to give; or recognize a friendship we have to offer. Rather, they have conformed with other persons whom don't always have the best effect on them.

With that I said, I've always held strong with my prayers and praying. In retrospect, I should have prayed for them a decade ago..maybe even before I met them. I caught up with something that my priest says after the Lords Prayer, and that is: "Let us pray for the ones who have no one to pray for them". I really took this to heart and built upon this everyday.

Currently I have a few friends who aren't heading down the right path, in my eyes, and I continue to pray for them. I find it in my heart to accept what they are putting themselves into, and letting go; for it is not my responsibility of their actions. Although this kills me to see a friend lowly intoxicate themselves to unnecessary measures, physically, I have no motion to make a difference. So for you friends, I'll be praying. Whether you appreciate me as a friend or not, I'll try my best to catch you when and if you fall. I'm always here. You may never know that, but I am.

With Love,

Mariann

Smile As You Pray.

Hiiiiiiiiii!!! Ah, I know it has been so long since I've last blogged, and I have no good excuse for it..so let's get started yes?!

-> This Lenten season happened to be more than what I expected. I have witnessed a cocktail of emotions. First starting off with my elections.

I never really shared this on my blog, nor have I been keeping this blog up to date day by day. The story in a nutshell goes a little something like this: I am currently Class President and I know I have potential to take a higher position. Granted, I ran against a great competition and fell short. I fully take the blame for not putting myself out there enough. I think I felt weak going into the competition and it might have gotten the best of me. I definitely did not prepare myself well enough to fight a battle that should have won. All in all, the experience itself is still kind of numbing, but I got through this with the help of so many great people. My friends saw a more kind side of me and made sure they pointed that out to me. It warms my heart to know that they noticed, because I sure didn't. There were a few things that happened along the way, and despite of the outcome, I find myself praying for whomever chose to switch faces so suddenly. So with this experience, I felt as if I handled it very well. I'm not bitter towards the results, but I'm thankful that it happened. Now, I'm moving onward and upward in Life. I'm ready for whatever it is that I'm supposed to encounter.

-> 'No Meat' Fridays
This is a subject close to my heart. During this Lenten season, us Catholics understand why we sacrifice a day to fast. I think no matter the age, if you are capable of doing so, you should. It's just that simple. Last Friday, my high school had a luncheon called the "Top Dog" luncheon. It is basically a lunch for teachers who features one student for their outstanding attitude and/or achievements in their class. This time around, it was Chinese food: Chicken Fried Rice, Veggie Fried Rice, Sesame Chicken, and Broccoli&Beef. As a part of Student Government, we were allowed to partake in the event as we served the teachers and students. I was a little surprised to see teachers take in the whole bunch..wondering if they believed in what I believed. Besides the point, I have some friends who were Catholic, that shared the same beliefs. One came across to say "just because you eat meat does not mean that you're not Catholic. Eating meat or not doesn't mean anything". Coming from this person, it didn't come as a surprise to me..but I don't think it was a smart remark to make..but I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Another said "man, I'm craving this so much..I'm honestly not gonna abide by the rule, it's whatever". I started to question, were they being "bad" Catholics by giving into temptation, or did they feel pressured to give in? Either way ..I know they were aware of it, I guess they don't take it too seriously to truly find a deeper meaning of Lent other than "giving something up" and "not eating meat". In another situation, my friend said " aw man..I can't eat meat today. *five seconds later* But my mom did say it was okay for me to eat it". It kind of shocked me to hear it from this person..but a person will do to their dismay.

I guess this shocked me because I don't think they understand that deeper meaning of fasting. To sacrifice ONE day. To better ourselves, our minds, and our bodies. To reflect. Now I'm not too sure if they take it all that seriously. I pondered that thought throughout the day, and it doesn't really bother me all that much anymore. All I can do is accept them for who they are, and love them as my brothers and sisters of God. I could take from this experience that I should not have to worry about this situation too much, but be able to pray for them. From these two experiences, I know the only thing I can change to make a difference in is, to say a little prayer. So to extract from all the busyness of this blog, prayer has gotten me through the hills and valleys that I faced. And, from this, I hope that you can find it in your heart to pray for all whom you know, will meet, and will never meet.

Respectfully yours,

Emme.

Day Ten: Gathering

I wish I would have blogged up till today about my Journey. There are a lot of thoughts fluttering through my mind- but can't really bring myself to express. One thing I can say is that my Faith is definitely being tested throughout the many days. This is a good thing though. I am trying to reach further into the roots of which I was meant to dig. I was meant to find out my meaning in Life. I am slowly but surely getting my way through, Humbly. I wish to continue this, as the next two weeks will be a typhoon for me to conquer.

Please continue to pray for me as I pray for you.

Sincerely yours,
Mariann

Day Three: Frustrated

I oftentimes find myself putting others' needs before mines. In the same instance, there are times that fall back on me that I wished I would have payed more attention to.

As I begin to pack things in the car for tomorrow's Prom set-up, the thought of my dress didn't cross my mind. I knew my dad was picking it up, but there was not a thought in my mind that it'd be the wrong order. Although my receipt correctly describes my desired dress, I ended up getting a dress that was my first choice. I did confirm with the worker that I wanted a different dress. Therefore, tomorrow, THE DAY OF PROM, I will be going back to that place and figuring things out. This puts a little more weight on my shoulders in a sense that not only do I have to worry about set-up and getting ready, I have to figure my dress situation. Thankfully my date is understanding and easy-going. I'm really happy about that. Prom may be in 21 hours, but in that 21 hours, I will make sure all the things will be going right.

As I end the third day of Lent, I celebrate the first Friday of the Lenten season. Normally, resisting from meat is a hard thing, but I easily went without it today. It's not so much of how it fulfills, but more so, a minor sacrifice to a lifetime commitment. With that- I am content and my soul is filled. So, I pray about this, and in time, I know things will be planned out accordingly. Until then... wish me luck. t-minus 21 hours. HERE.WE.GO.

Blessings,

Mariann

Day Two: Uplifted with a Smile

Song that's resounded in my head: What Are Words- Chris Medina
Mood: Peaceful

Today, as I marched up the stairs to class, behind the boy who professed his thoughts the day before, I held no anger inside. I felt more numb than anything. The old me would have been upset with his presence and probably feeling embarrassed and sad, but rather I felt peace surrounding me.

An important event that bookmarked my day came from a friend who felt disappointed and upset. I remember feeling doubtful as she, which I came to conclude that that did not bring me peace nor happiness. Instead, I decided to put some words together to let her know that people care; to let her know she's not a failure; to let her know that she is More. The reaction made me smile because others started to contribute a positive feedback, and I'm really sure that those comments made her smile, if not, cheered her up.

Another incident that happened about an hour, came from a text which regards the whole ASB ideal. It said: "I'm tired of all the things that are said behind my back". What did I text back? It went a little something like this: "Worry about yourself and only yourself. You make and lose friends in high school- don't let that defeat you. Just stand out strong. Stop wasting energy on things that aren't worth your time. Just be you- don't care too much about what people say. Life is a competition within itself. You fight your own battles- just don't choose battles to fight in. Don't worry too much. Just live in every moment, fondly. With or without someone with you along the way."
^I hope that was a good enough response for them to mean in their text "Okay. Thanks for your advice. I gotchu.'

So, as I end the second day of Lent, I feel Uplifted. I feel like it is my service to make others happy- that way, it can keep me happy. You are your environment, at times. Therefore, you can have a saddened environment and just feel down. Other times, you can have a positive environment, and be happy. In a math equation, I could definitely be the absolute value of anyone- in other words, I can keep them positive :)

I don't have much more to say, but I will end with a letter to those who need reassurance:

You Are Beautiful. You Are Great. You are YOU.

Don't let anything surpass you with fear,

Take it up with Humble Confidence and Faith.

Believe. Believe that You are GOOD ENOUGH.

Do NOT sell yourself short for anything less.

I am taking up my own advice, so believe when I say this.

When all else fades, take some silence to think.

Don't retract but pull forward.

At any time in grief, stress or saddness,

Blog, Pray, Talk to God, take some silence to think.

Afterall, the only thing you'd lose from that is the negativity.

Think.Love.Believe.Pray.Inspire.

Love always,

Mariann

Day One: Pray

What are words if you really don't mean them when you say them. What are words if there only for good times then it's on. -Chris Medina-American Idol-What Are Words

The Lenten season has truly brought peace to my soul. I know it is only the beginning, but I feel it happening.

I started off my day with morning Mass and consumed communion as my breakfast. Soon after, I was home awaiting a reasonable time to get to school. As the day progressed, more people started noticing the "thing on my forehead". Sometimes I thought to myself: Why are people so 'ignorant' of the symbol on my forehead? Why is it JUST a thing on my forehead? Why can't they understand? Do they realize it was Ash Wednesday? I brought myself to realize that not everyone believes in Him. Not everyone shares the same religion. Not everyone celebrates in the same things. I was honestly hurt when someone said "hey, there's dirt on your forehead" , "what the heck is on your forehead", "why is it on your forehead". Repetitively explaining the whole ordeal, I knew people still never understood it and kept questioning. I knew this would happen, but the reason why I did what I did- it was because I did not care what others thought, looking at me. I know my Faith, I live my Faith and I will act a part of it. As gracefully as I tried to act about it, I began to shut down. I realized throughout the day, I held my crucifix necklace and prayed, many times.

Another incident I ran into, saddens me tremendously. Sitting in class, it was just like any other day. A boy whom I have spoken with the day before about a girl he was 'talking' to shut me down. I joked around with him, not really wanting to know about the whole situation, but just trying to embrace it. Today, he said he would offer me a story if I trade seats with him because he couldn't see. I don't know what made me reject him, but I naively spoke out 'tsk tsk..bad karma!" as a joke. He shut me down when he said, ' well you know what? f--- you. I didn't whisper that either". HOW could a teacher be standing there, hearing the whole conversation, and not do anything about it? How did I handle it? I prayed for this boy, the teacher, and myself. I was hurt and in lost for words, wondering what I did wrong, and maybe shouldn't have said what I said. I was hurt because the teacher did not say ONE word, and that's when I knew, when all else fails you, leave it up to God. What could I do to make the situation better? Honestly, nothing physical/verbal could have fixed this incident. I prayed and thought long and hard. This was when the song "What Are Words" played in my head; what are words if you really don't mean them? Except, I think this boy really meant it. Yeah it hurts, but I know God knows. I don't find the need to explain this to anyone, so I decided to blog it. This heals my heart and brings me peace. To know that my sincere apologies are through prayer.

What a day I have been through. My struggles are not bigger than God, therefore He will help me overcome it, whether it takes 1 minute, 1 day, 1 month or even 1 year. I just want to keep on with Grace in my heart, because I have lots of it to share. This brings me to my last memo: Petitioning.

As I was petitioning today, I felt SUCH a positive vibe. No matter if my opponent was in the same room or a stirring conversation amongst my friends, I feel as if RIGHT NOW, we're civil- that's a good thing. And for me, that's enough to know. I can not predict the future nor should I worry. I worry about the Present and living for today. I will let tomorrow take its course, and whatever it may bring me, I know it'll be from a good intent. As I continue to pray about this, I begin to look deep into the relationships I have and remember how lucky I am, no matter if tomorrow may bring me sorrow, hatred or Love. I only ask that He will light my path in which ever direction, I shall follow.

And I pray:

O Lord and Master of my life,
give me not the spirit of laziness,
despair, lust of power, and idle talk. (prostration)

But give rather the spirit of sobriety,
humility, patience and love to Thy servant. (prostration)

Yea, O Lord and King,
grant me to see my own transgressions
and not to judge my brother,
for blessed art Thou unto ages of ages. Amen (prostration)
St. Ephraim the Syrian

Blessings to You Always,

Mariann.

Accepted!

I searched through my email and switched tabs back and forth to youtube, facebook, twitter, and back to my email again. Every so often, I got a couple emails, and then one came in for me. It read: National Youth Leadership Forum on Medicine.

Cordially invited to the event came with my student ID number so I can sign up easily. Sometimes it's the opportunities you're better off leaving behind and other times, you're better off taking up the opportunity and explore it. So with this, I'm left with a decision to make. I have a month, but a month goes by fast. So I will pray upon this and see what decision it brings me.

Elections and campaigning are coming up, and I'm preparing myself for that. Hopefully I can make up my mind today, as I've been swayed back and forth like a rocking chair for the past few weeks. I'm ready to let His will be done and serve- that's all. I just hope that whatever it may bring me, I serve it to the full potential and smile all the way.

Prayers and Blessings be with you,

Mariann

Disappointed to be Disappointing.

This is my apology letter for most things.

I just want to admit that I'm not perfect, and hopefully you could see that. Given that you are apart of me genetically, please don't assume that I will be just like you. I AM my own person, I HAVE my own aspirations, I WILL do things to upset you. It's Life. I didn't mold for things to fall into place, they just happen. Could you just accept that?

Even more so that I'm a girl, you should know how sensitive I can be. If you yell at me, I will cry. But you know why? I care. I care too much to see someone unhappy. It kills me to know that you're yelling at me because things are my fault. Yes ,I probably wasn't prepared, but could you say that you can't expect the unexpected? I know anger can get the best of us, trust me, it happens- I know. But did you think it was really necessary to scream all the things that went through my ear and went out the other?

I feel bad, you know? Our relationship has gone down the drain, and to be honest, I really talk to you when I need something or when you need something. It shouldn't be that way. For Heaven's sake, we live under the same roof. Things that has happened in the past really made me understand and define the person you are. Yes, I have learned to pick up the warmth and hospitality that you bring to people- but I for one, did NOT pick up your other half of your personality. It's unthinkable. Sometimes I wish you'd stop smoking, because I care too much. But now, now it's like you're letting it consume your life and you wouldn't even make an effort for me to stop. I pray for you all the time, every day, but I wonder if you've prayed for me too.

Can we mesh things out and mend it back together? I don't want to lose you one day and feel like I've missed out on the things we were SUPPOSED to do. Although I tell you I don't want my husband to be anything like you *as a joke*, I still uphold my standards that abide by a part of your rubric. You're one of the most important men in my life- but how am I supposed to completely appreciate things from you, if you throw them at people so crazily. I told you once before that I was embarrassed by you- and don't completely take that to heart because you're you, but it's your attitude and anger at times. I get nervous when I'm around other important persons, and you decide to throw a bad card down. It makes ME look bad, but most importantly it makes YOU look bad. So for once, I just want to ask you: Could you just love me for me and accept my mistakes? Understand that I cry when you yell at me, and talk it out with me rationally- not yell. Could you possibly change for your own daughter? Don't get me wrong, I love you, but sometimes, I don't love the person you are.

Love always,

Mariann.

Check 1, 2.

Speeches. Crowds. Microphones.

I worked the sound system today, at lunch. Fifteen minutes before the end, I helped out announcing FFA activity winners. I realized the comfortability level for me when it comes to using the mic and speaking to my peers. I figured I'd do well, when it comes to these things. I guess it really depends on the atmosphere though. In the serious settings, I'm kind of choked up and shy. But, when there's a crowd I'm used to seeing on the daily, I'm completely fine with speaking. I brought this up because I have a speech tomorrow.

For the past few weeks, I have been working diligently on a personal essay including the idea of the "American Dream". Since I can become an emotional wreck when talking about a touchy subject in front of a class, I decided to talk about a "positive" pivotal moment in my life. The topic: the day I got my license, and everything leading up to that. I know, I know. I guess at around this age, it's a little overrated in conversation, but I'm so comfortable talking about it, I think I could nail this thing into the wall! That's a good thing, by the way. Therefore, needless to say, I am pretty excited about this essay. All I have left to do is to write down some thoughts on a note card, and go over it a few times, and I'll be good to go. The funny thing is- my speech is based around fear. So, for me to be scared, it would probably be an understatement, if I actually felt that way. Anyway, I pray for the best, and I will be fine because God is with me all along the way. I'm really excited to hear everyone else's on Thursday..and I have been warned that there is normally not a dry eye in the room at some moments. Ouchies. Good or bad, I need a good cry, so I guess this is my opportunity. Sometimes you just need to cry to relieve yourself. I'm ready!

Good night Moon, Good night Stars, Good night Beautiful!

-Murrrrrannnnn

Listen and Love :)

I just think this song is nice :)

Stress Suppress.

FINALS.

A word that possibly everyone dislikes. It's frightening!

Anyways- the past few days have been rough, especially everything associated with Prom and Finals. The idea of it gets me stressed out, and from that, I've noticed that when I'm so busy, I forgot to eat a reasonable portion/serving. Then, the times I feel like eating, I don't have an appetite for it. What's the reason behind this? I don't know. But lately, I've had a small appetite.

I wish I could make every moment of every situation joyous, but it doesn't happen that way- no matter how hard I try, it doesn't. It's not that I don't work well under pressure, I'd just rather plan ahead. Like the things I can't plan ahead I try to plan, but the things that I can plan ahead, sometimes I just wait, and wait, and wait. This habit's been broken for a while now, and that's a good thing, but I just don't like worrying. Then again, who does, right?

So, with all the Faith I have in this world, I walk right through. With or without any hands to hold, I can do it. With that, I hold my head up high- no matter any bad that comes my way. I will be ready to pick myself up if I fall.

I challenge you to challenge yourself. Do something you've never done, be better at something you have done. BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. I for one always cut myself short, stress myself out and sometimes there is not a good explanation for it. But as Father Terry said: Live for today, and let tomorrow take care of itself- because no matter what, there is always a tomorrow. My own challenge is to live for today, not tomorrow. I will let tomorrow take its course, because I trust that there will always be a tomorrow, but I want to live in Today, live For today, and live Better today.

Blessings always,

Mariann

Reflect Back To The Grind.

Wow, it has been a while! I can't believe I've gone so long without a blog post. I'm trying to get Back To The Grind once again and stay consistent with this blog.

To find what you seek in the road of life,the best proverb of all is that which says:"Leave no stone unturned."- Edward Bulwer Lytton

I can honestly say that I am trying to abide by this, currently. I feel as if I pass up the stones too quickly, the ones left behind aren't turned. We seem to frolic through life and in situations, we opt to chose one thing or the other- almost like an ultimatum.

I'm having a hard time grasping the concept of everything around me. One day I'll get everything, and another, I'm completely lost. I feel like God has set this path for me, to let me know that It's Okay. It's okay to fall. It's okay to take chances. It's okay to try something new. It's OKAY to be open-hearted. It's okay. Everything's okay.

With this, I know it's okay to take chances. Who said they're guaranteed happiness? If not that, it's satisfaction with peace. Knowing that you tried is more rewarding than the actual victory of a battle.

If I could just let my Life set in itself, and let it unravel slowly, I wouldn't feel so stressed all the time. Wondering and hoping when some things will fall into place, is not the way to live. Not saying that this includes prayers, it doesn't. Praying is actually what has gotten me through my struggles. In those dark yet quiet moments, I hear the whispers of reassurance. If we wonder and hope, I honestly don't know where that'll take us. But I know for a fact, if we Pray through it, God will speak to us and nourish us with his Unfailing Love. Overcoming my battles is one thing, but what are battles without fight and chaos? You know, we don't always get our way THAT easily. With hard work, comes true reward- and I understand.

So, in this season, I have slowly but surely learned to Let go, and Let God. I am challenging YOU to take on this challenge with me. Let go, and Let God do His Will. Set down your worries and leave it up to God, for in His will, the destined will be done. I truly, truly, believe that His judgement is for what is right, whether we think otherwise or not.

Currently, going through the mixed emotions of everything in life, especially everything that has to do with school, I am slowly letting go. Not meaning that I don't care, but meaning that I CARE ENOUGH to Let God take on this course with me. That in His will, I will conquer this struggle; and whether I walk or fall, it's another lesson I have yet to learn. But through everything, I have promised to carry this Gracefully, as I know that's what Jesus would do. To do things out of Love. No matter enemy or friend, we pray for them, and love them all the same. You know what I mean?

I know it's a bundle of words, may be repetitive..or not, but I hope you get my point.

Always,
Mariann