Careless Mistakes

Dear Blogspot,

Here's another story for you.

I made a Careless Mistake tonight.
-> So, tonight happened to be a scheduled bonfire with friends. Attending it at a later time, I knew I had to keep a schedule with my parents...so I did. I guess I got caught up in my emotions with my friends that time passed by so quick. As I promised my dad I'd be home by 9, it was 11:00. My phone died, and it took me a while to charge it back up. My stupidity teenage mind took over, thinking that since my parents didn't contact me between 9 and 11, that they'd be asleep. Boy was I wrong. They were worried sick..but obviously I didn't care enough to call..as I usually do. I honestly didn't mean to worry my parents, but I did get that instinct throughout the night after 9. I feel so disappointed in myself. When I went home, I prepared for the worse. Rather, it was quite calm. The most hurtful thing happened when I started crying- hearing my dad tell me that I lied to him and that he was sad and disappointed in me. Thinking about it really kills me to know that I disappointed my parents, once again. I know I can never compare myself to my brother, and I shouldn't..I should be my own person..but I guess I don't feel good enough.

Which brings me to my last point:
Not feeling good enough. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Tonight at the bonfire, all my friends opened up with each other. With all that said, we did some "confessions" by the end of the night. The boy that I used to like and still like, was sitting there. I wish I had the guts to say something like everyone else did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess things are just better left unsaid. That is because I don't feel "good enough" to tell him. Although he opened up to a girl that was also there, and told her that he used to like her and think she was cute..I thought that if I were to say something, it just wouldn't be good enough.

Then at the end of the night ..I collected all my thoughts and processed it through. I know I am good enough- I just tend to be spoken down by my thoughts. Whatever I'm going through, it's a little rough, but I know I can overcome it. I know this is a lot to gather...but it is therapeutic and nice for me to be able to get this out one way or another.

Best Regards,

Mariann