Disappointed to be Disappointing.

This is my apology letter for most things.

I just want to admit that I'm not perfect, and hopefully you could see that. Given that you are apart of me genetically, please don't assume that I will be just like you. I AM my own person, I HAVE my own aspirations, I WILL do things to upset you. It's Life. I didn't mold for things to fall into place, they just happen. Could you just accept that?

Even more so that I'm a girl, you should know how sensitive I can be. If you yell at me, I will cry. But you know why? I care. I care too much to see someone unhappy. It kills me to know that you're yelling at me because things are my fault. Yes ,I probably wasn't prepared, but could you say that you can't expect the unexpected? I know anger can get the best of us, trust me, it happens- I know. But did you think it was really necessary to scream all the things that went through my ear and went out the other?

I feel bad, you know? Our relationship has gone down the drain, and to be honest, I really talk to you when I need something or when you need something. It shouldn't be that way. For Heaven's sake, we live under the same roof. Things that has happened in the past really made me understand and define the person you are. Yes, I have learned to pick up the warmth and hospitality that you bring to people- but I for one, did NOT pick up your other half of your personality. It's unthinkable. Sometimes I wish you'd stop smoking, because I care too much. But now, now it's like you're letting it consume your life and you wouldn't even make an effort for me to stop. I pray for you all the time, every day, but I wonder if you've prayed for me too.

Can we mesh things out and mend it back together? I don't want to lose you one day and feel like I've missed out on the things we were SUPPOSED to do. Although I tell you I don't want my husband to be anything like you *as a joke*, I still uphold my standards that abide by a part of your rubric. You're one of the most important men in my life- but how am I supposed to completely appreciate things from you, if you throw them at people so crazily. I told you once before that I was embarrassed by you- and don't completely take that to heart because you're you, but it's your attitude and anger at times. I get nervous when I'm around other important persons, and you decide to throw a bad card down. It makes ME look bad, but most importantly it makes YOU look bad. So for once, I just want to ask you: Could you just love me for me and accept my mistakes? Understand that I cry when you yell at me, and talk it out with me rationally- not yell. Could you possibly change for your own daughter? Don't get me wrong, I love you, but sometimes, I don't love the person you are.

Love always,

Mariann.