Stumbled.

Butterflies? Maybe. Off guard smiles? Definitely.

Once in a Lifetime or ten times in a Lifetime, you may stumble upon a unique individual. Not necessarily someone you "like", but definitely someone whom you have the utmost respect for and care much about. I did not solely mean for this to puzzle out- it just did. I'm more than Thankful that it happened and I feel absolutely Blessed that it somehow occurred to me at the right time. A blog in progress, I'm sure to keep up with. It's past bed time. I shall continue with this soon.

I hope you all enjoyed Easter. It was quite Beautiful to say the least. Alleluia, Alleluia.

Blessings and new Season of Greetings,

Mariann

Good Friday.

I hope that by the end of the night, you remember ultimately what today was about.

Peacefully,

Mariann

The moment where ...

you admit you like someone, never thinking they felt the same way about you..but it became the past and now you wish you would have said something.

^I just encountered that incident yesterday, not personally..but I wish I would have said something -________-'

Some things are better left unsaid, I guess..

Careless Mistakes

Dear Blogspot,

Here's another story for you.

I made a Careless Mistake tonight.
-> So, tonight happened to be a scheduled bonfire with friends. Attending it at a later time, I knew I had to keep a schedule with my parents...so I did. I guess I got caught up in my emotions with my friends that time passed by so quick. As I promised my dad I'd be home by 9, it was 11:00. My phone died, and it took me a while to charge it back up. My stupidity teenage mind took over, thinking that since my parents didn't contact me between 9 and 11, that they'd be asleep. Boy was I wrong. They were worried sick..but obviously I didn't care enough to call..as I usually do. I honestly didn't mean to worry my parents, but I did get that instinct throughout the night after 9. I feel so disappointed in myself. When I went home, I prepared for the worse. Rather, it was quite calm. The most hurtful thing happened when I started crying- hearing my dad tell me that I lied to him and that he was sad and disappointed in me. Thinking about it really kills me to know that I disappointed my parents, once again. I know I can never compare myself to my brother, and I shouldn't..I should be my own person..but I guess I don't feel good enough.

Which brings me to my last point:
Not feeling good enough. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Tonight at the bonfire, all my friends opened up with each other. With all that said, we did some "confessions" by the end of the night. The boy that I used to like and still like, was sitting there. I wish I had the guts to say something like everyone else did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess things are just better left unsaid. That is because I don't feel "good enough" to tell him. Although he opened up to a girl that was also there, and told her that he used to like her and think she was cute..I thought that if I were to say something, it just wouldn't be good enough.

Then at the end of the night ..I collected all my thoughts and processed it through. I know I am good enough- I just tend to be spoken down by my thoughts. Whatever I'm going through, it's a little rough, but I know I can overcome it. I know this is a lot to gather...but it is therapeutic and nice for me to be able to get this out one way or another.

Best Regards,

Mariann

Post-Elections

Today would probably be a bitter sweet day.

Election/appointed jobs were posted on the school's website today. I grew more than anxious to click on the link that would determine what my Senior year would look like. Like everything else related to this, I have a numb feeling about it. Some of my friends are in my council, and that may not be a good thing. Sometimes mixing friendship with work does not work out. At the end of the day, I have a job and duty to attend to, and nothing will stop me from doing so. It's just that I'm not sure if EVERYONE really knows what they're in for. Yeah- they may have been elected because others thought greatly of them...but did they enter for the right reasons? I honestly can't be the one to answer that.

I don't know..lately I've been having mixed feelings about everything. I don't like over analyzing things, yet I'm here doing so. Just kind of need to let things out without really having to communicate with someone, I guess. Through this whole experience, I've seen Jesus in every aspect. Whether it be bad or good.. I've seen it. I've prayed endlessly about my fate, and here it is, right in front of me. I've seen the not-so-nice side of people, and I've seen the utmost leadership potential in people. To say the least, I have gone through a world-wind ... but it definitely got me to where I'm supposed to be..or at least, it is where I think I'm supposed to be.

Aside from all this seriousness ... I bought a Pig Pillow Pet ..and I know I'm too old for it..but it's soooooooooooooooooo cute. I could NEVER find it at Target..until today..yet again, everything just fell into place for me :)

On the counter-side of things...I kind of flopped my Junior Parent Info Night presentation ... ahhhg. Okay. I'm stopping here.

Sincerely,

Mariann

Dear Anonymous,

You're a really nice person. I guess that kind of got me fooled, but I can't say that I wasn't warned in the beginning. I'm a little torn and embarrassed, but it's nothing that I can't smile back on and move forward from. It's Human. Sometimes I wish I was not too curious about your life so that whatever that was said/done, I wouldn't have a reaction to it. Now that everything has been put into place, I truly and honestly wish you the best. I knew nothing would ever blossom, but I can't say I did not try. To be honest, I think I tried too much for it to become something or anything. I'm content to say we are nothing alike. That can be a good and a bad thing. But for this instance, it is a good thing. Now, I feel like everything is a blur. I wish I didn't expect something from you..even though I knew not to, I did, because I kind of believed in something that obviously was not there. Time has passed and we've all kept moving forward, but I really hope you don't forget about me. Even if you do, I wish you knew the complete story of my side. I wish you would have made a better effort towards me. Sometimes wishes come true, but this one was meant to stay in a dream. Thanks for everything.

-I guess it is therapeutic to be able to write to a specific anonymous just to get the word out, although they may never see it or know about it.-

Yours,
Mariann

Zoned out.

My Uncle passed away last Friday. Please keep him in your prayers- I'd really appreciate it, and I know he would too. It's a good note we left of on- to know that we spent Christmas together, and that I was the last time I would see you. I did not think it would be the last time, but it happened to be. A peaceful farewell to you, Uncle. I'll be looking for the rainbow you meant to shine to let me see. I know we never had the best relationship or even A relationship, but regardless of anything you have gone through, we stayed family. That'll never change. Thanks for being a part of our Lives. To be honest, you taught me to be everything you weren't. That's a good thing. You told my brother and myself to be responsible, successful and hard working. I will keep your word as a promise, as Matt has already shined forth. Take care and rest easy with the Lord. Please especially watch over the family. Me and dad aren't on good terms because I'm a teenager, and I know you know what it's like raising three crazy teens. Please bring some sense to all of us. I love you. See you someday, Uncle.

Always,
Mariann