Dear Anonymous,

You're a really nice person. I guess that kind of got me fooled, but I can't say that I wasn't warned in the beginning. I'm a little torn and embarrassed, but it's nothing that I can't smile back on and move forward from. It's Human. Sometimes I wish I was not too curious about your life so that whatever that was said/done, I wouldn't have a reaction to it. Now that everything has been put into place, I truly and honestly wish you the best. I knew nothing would ever blossom, but I can't say I did not try. To be honest, I think I tried too much for it to become something or anything. I'm content to say we are nothing alike. That can be a good and a bad thing. But for this instance, it is a good thing. Now, I feel like everything is a blur. I wish I didn't expect something from you..even though I knew not to, I did, because I kind of believed in something that obviously was not there. Time has passed and we've all kept moving forward, but I really hope you don't forget about me. Even if you do, I wish you knew the complete story of my side. I wish you would have made a better effort towards me. Sometimes wishes come true, but this one was meant to stay in a dream. Thanks for everything.

-I guess it is therapeutic to be able to write to a specific anonymous just to get the word out, although they may never see it or know about it.-

Yours,
Mariann

Zoned out.

My Uncle passed away last Friday. Please keep him in your prayers- I'd really appreciate it, and I know he would too. It's a good note we left of on- to know that we spent Christmas together, and that I was the last time I would see you. I did not think it would be the last time, but it happened to be. A peaceful farewell to you, Uncle. I'll be looking for the rainbow you meant to shine to let me see. I know we never had the best relationship or even A relationship, but regardless of anything you have gone through, we stayed family. That'll never change. Thanks for being a part of our Lives. To be honest, you taught me to be everything you weren't. That's a good thing. You told my brother and myself to be responsible, successful and hard working. I will keep your word as a promise, as Matt has already shined forth. Take care and rest easy with the Lord. Please especially watch over the family. Me and dad aren't on good terms because I'm a teenager, and I know you know what it's like raising three crazy teens. Please bring some sense to all of us. I love you. See you someday, Uncle.

Always,
Mariann

Unopened Gift.

Sometimes we cross paths with people whom we care for. But, it comes to show that they don't realize how much love we have to give; or recognize a friendship we have to offer. Rather, they have conformed with other persons whom don't always have the best effect on them.

With that I said, I've always held strong with my prayers and praying. In retrospect, I should have prayed for them a decade ago..maybe even before I met them. I caught up with something that my priest says after the Lords Prayer, and that is: "Let us pray for the ones who have no one to pray for them". I really took this to heart and built upon this everyday.

Currently I have a few friends who aren't heading down the right path, in my eyes, and I continue to pray for them. I find it in my heart to accept what they are putting themselves into, and letting go; for it is not my responsibility of their actions. Although this kills me to see a friend lowly intoxicate themselves to unnecessary measures, physically, I have no motion to make a difference. So for you friends, I'll be praying. Whether you appreciate me as a friend or not, I'll try my best to catch you when and if you fall. I'm always here. You may never know that, but I am.

With Love,

Mariann

Smile As You Pray.

Hiiiiiiiiii!!! Ah, I know it has been so long since I've last blogged, and I have no good excuse for it..so let's get started yes?!

-> This Lenten season happened to be more than what I expected. I have witnessed a cocktail of emotions. First starting off with my elections.

I never really shared this on my blog, nor have I been keeping this blog up to date day by day. The story in a nutshell goes a little something like this: I am currently Class President and I know I have potential to take a higher position. Granted, I ran against a great competition and fell short. I fully take the blame for not putting myself out there enough. I think I felt weak going into the competition and it might have gotten the best of me. I definitely did not prepare myself well enough to fight a battle that should have won. All in all, the experience itself is still kind of numbing, but I got through this with the help of so many great people. My friends saw a more kind side of me and made sure they pointed that out to me. It warms my heart to know that they noticed, because I sure didn't. There were a few things that happened along the way, and despite of the outcome, I find myself praying for whomever chose to switch faces so suddenly. So with this experience, I felt as if I handled it very well. I'm not bitter towards the results, but I'm thankful that it happened. Now, I'm moving onward and upward in Life. I'm ready for whatever it is that I'm supposed to encounter.

-> 'No Meat' Fridays
This is a subject close to my heart. During this Lenten season, us Catholics understand why we sacrifice a day to fast. I think no matter the age, if you are capable of doing so, you should. It's just that simple. Last Friday, my high school had a luncheon called the "Top Dog" luncheon. It is basically a lunch for teachers who features one student for their outstanding attitude and/or achievements in their class. This time around, it was Chinese food: Chicken Fried Rice, Veggie Fried Rice, Sesame Chicken, and Broccoli&Beef. As a part of Student Government, we were allowed to partake in the event as we served the teachers and students. I was a little surprised to see teachers take in the whole bunch..wondering if they believed in what I believed. Besides the point, I have some friends who were Catholic, that shared the same beliefs. One came across to say "just because you eat meat does not mean that you're not Catholic. Eating meat or not doesn't mean anything". Coming from this person, it didn't come as a surprise to me..but I don't think it was a smart remark to make..but I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Another said "man, I'm craving this so much..I'm honestly not gonna abide by the rule, it's whatever". I started to question, were they being "bad" Catholics by giving into temptation, or did they feel pressured to give in? Either way ..I know they were aware of it, I guess they don't take it too seriously to truly find a deeper meaning of Lent other than "giving something up" and "not eating meat". In another situation, my friend said " aw man..I can't eat meat today. *five seconds later* But my mom did say it was okay for me to eat it". It kind of shocked me to hear it from this person..but a person will do to their dismay.

I guess this shocked me because I don't think they understand that deeper meaning of fasting. To sacrifice ONE day. To better ourselves, our minds, and our bodies. To reflect. Now I'm not too sure if they take it all that seriously. I pondered that thought throughout the day, and it doesn't really bother me all that much anymore. All I can do is accept them for who they are, and love them as my brothers and sisters of God. I could take from this experience that I should not have to worry about this situation too much, but be able to pray for them. From these two experiences, I know the only thing I can change to make a difference in is, to say a little prayer. So to extract from all the busyness of this blog, prayer has gotten me through the hills and valleys that I faced. And, from this, I hope that you can find it in your heart to pray for all whom you know, will meet, and will never meet.

Respectfully yours,

Emme.

Day Ten: Gathering

I wish I would have blogged up till today about my Journey. There are a lot of thoughts fluttering through my mind- but can't really bring myself to express. One thing I can say is that my Faith is definitely being tested throughout the many days. This is a good thing though. I am trying to reach further into the roots of which I was meant to dig. I was meant to find out my meaning in Life. I am slowly but surely getting my way through, Humbly. I wish to continue this, as the next two weeks will be a typhoon for me to conquer.

Please continue to pray for me as I pray for you.

Sincerely yours,
Mariann

Day Three: Frustrated

I oftentimes find myself putting others' needs before mines. In the same instance, there are times that fall back on me that I wished I would have payed more attention to.

As I begin to pack things in the car for tomorrow's Prom set-up, the thought of my dress didn't cross my mind. I knew my dad was picking it up, but there was not a thought in my mind that it'd be the wrong order. Although my receipt correctly describes my desired dress, I ended up getting a dress that was my first choice. I did confirm with the worker that I wanted a different dress. Therefore, tomorrow, THE DAY OF PROM, I will be going back to that place and figuring things out. This puts a little more weight on my shoulders in a sense that not only do I have to worry about set-up and getting ready, I have to figure my dress situation. Thankfully my date is understanding and easy-going. I'm really happy about that. Prom may be in 21 hours, but in that 21 hours, I will make sure all the things will be going right.

As I end the third day of Lent, I celebrate the first Friday of the Lenten season. Normally, resisting from meat is a hard thing, but I easily went without it today. It's not so much of how it fulfills, but more so, a minor sacrifice to a lifetime commitment. With that- I am content and my soul is filled. So, I pray about this, and in time, I know things will be planned out accordingly. Until then... wish me luck. t-minus 21 hours. HERE.WE.GO.

Blessings,

Mariann

Day Two: Uplifted with a Smile

Song that's resounded in my head: What Are Words- Chris Medina
Mood: Peaceful

Today, as I marched up the stairs to class, behind the boy who professed his thoughts the day before, I held no anger inside. I felt more numb than anything. The old me would have been upset with his presence and probably feeling embarrassed and sad, but rather I felt peace surrounding me.

An important event that bookmarked my day came from a friend who felt disappointed and upset. I remember feeling doubtful as she, which I came to conclude that that did not bring me peace nor happiness. Instead, I decided to put some words together to let her know that people care; to let her know she's not a failure; to let her know that she is More. The reaction made me smile because others started to contribute a positive feedback, and I'm really sure that those comments made her smile, if not, cheered her up.

Another incident that happened about an hour, came from a text which regards the whole ASB ideal. It said: "I'm tired of all the things that are said behind my back". What did I text back? It went a little something like this: "Worry about yourself and only yourself. You make and lose friends in high school- don't let that defeat you. Just stand out strong. Stop wasting energy on things that aren't worth your time. Just be you- don't care too much about what people say. Life is a competition within itself. You fight your own battles- just don't choose battles to fight in. Don't worry too much. Just live in every moment, fondly. With or without someone with you along the way."
^I hope that was a good enough response for them to mean in their text "Okay. Thanks for your advice. I gotchu.'

So, as I end the second day of Lent, I feel Uplifted. I feel like it is my service to make others happy- that way, it can keep me happy. You are your environment, at times. Therefore, you can have a saddened environment and just feel down. Other times, you can have a positive environment, and be happy. In a math equation, I could definitely be the absolute value of anyone- in other words, I can keep them positive :)

I don't have much more to say, but I will end with a letter to those who need reassurance:

You Are Beautiful. You Are Great. You are YOU.

Don't let anything surpass you with fear,

Take it up with Humble Confidence and Faith.

Believe. Believe that You are GOOD ENOUGH.

Do NOT sell yourself short for anything less.

I am taking up my own advice, so believe when I say this.

When all else fades, take some silence to think.

Don't retract but pull forward.

At any time in grief, stress or saddness,

Blog, Pray, Talk to God, take some silence to think.

Afterall, the only thing you'd lose from that is the negativity.

Think.Love.Believe.Pray.Inspire.

Love always,

Mariann