Stumbled.

Butterflies? Maybe. Off guard smiles? Definitely.

Once in a Lifetime or ten times in a Lifetime, you may stumble upon a unique individual. Not necessarily someone you "like", but definitely someone whom you have the utmost respect for and care much about. I did not solely mean for this to puzzle out- it just did. I'm more than Thankful that it happened and I feel absolutely Blessed that it somehow occurred to me at the right time. A blog in progress, I'm sure to keep up with. It's past bed time. I shall continue with this soon.

I hope you all enjoyed Easter. It was quite Beautiful to say the least. Alleluia, Alleluia.

Blessings and new Season of Greetings,

Mariann

Good Friday.

I hope that by the end of the night, you remember ultimately what today was about.

Peacefully,

Mariann

The moment where ...

you admit you like someone, never thinking they felt the same way about you..but it became the past and now you wish you would have said something.

^I just encountered that incident yesterday, not personally..but I wish I would have said something -________-'

Some things are better left unsaid, I guess..

Careless Mistakes

Dear Blogspot,

Here's another story for you.

I made a Careless Mistake tonight.
-> So, tonight happened to be a scheduled bonfire with friends. Attending it at a later time, I knew I had to keep a schedule with my parents...so I did. I guess I got caught up in my emotions with my friends that time passed by so quick. As I promised my dad I'd be home by 9, it was 11:00. My phone died, and it took me a while to charge it back up. My stupidity teenage mind took over, thinking that since my parents didn't contact me between 9 and 11, that they'd be asleep. Boy was I wrong. They were worried sick..but obviously I didn't care enough to call..as I usually do. I honestly didn't mean to worry my parents, but I did get that instinct throughout the night after 9. I feel so disappointed in myself. When I went home, I prepared for the worse. Rather, it was quite calm. The most hurtful thing happened when I started crying- hearing my dad tell me that I lied to him and that he was sad and disappointed in me. Thinking about it really kills me to know that I disappointed my parents, once again. I know I can never compare myself to my brother, and I shouldn't..I should be my own person..but I guess I don't feel good enough.

Which brings me to my last point:
Not feeling good enough. I'm sure I'm not the only one. Tonight at the bonfire, all my friends opened up with each other. With all that said, we did some "confessions" by the end of the night. The boy that I used to like and still like, was sitting there. I wish I had the guts to say something like everyone else did, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I guess things are just better left unsaid. That is because I don't feel "good enough" to tell him. Although he opened up to a girl that was also there, and told her that he used to like her and think she was cute..I thought that if I were to say something, it just wouldn't be good enough.

Then at the end of the night ..I collected all my thoughts and processed it through. I know I am good enough- I just tend to be spoken down by my thoughts. Whatever I'm going through, it's a little rough, but I know I can overcome it. I know this is a lot to gather...but it is therapeutic and nice for me to be able to get this out one way or another.

Best Regards,

Mariann

Post-Elections

Today would probably be a bitter sweet day.

Election/appointed jobs were posted on the school's website today. I grew more than anxious to click on the link that would determine what my Senior year would look like. Like everything else related to this, I have a numb feeling about it. Some of my friends are in my council, and that may not be a good thing. Sometimes mixing friendship with work does not work out. At the end of the day, I have a job and duty to attend to, and nothing will stop me from doing so. It's just that I'm not sure if EVERYONE really knows what they're in for. Yeah- they may have been elected because others thought greatly of them...but did they enter for the right reasons? I honestly can't be the one to answer that.

I don't know..lately I've been having mixed feelings about everything. I don't like over analyzing things, yet I'm here doing so. Just kind of need to let things out without really having to communicate with someone, I guess. Through this whole experience, I've seen Jesus in every aspect. Whether it be bad or good.. I've seen it. I've prayed endlessly about my fate, and here it is, right in front of me. I've seen the not-so-nice side of people, and I've seen the utmost leadership potential in people. To say the least, I have gone through a world-wind ... but it definitely got me to where I'm supposed to be..or at least, it is where I think I'm supposed to be.

Aside from all this seriousness ... I bought a Pig Pillow Pet ..and I know I'm too old for it..but it's soooooooooooooooooo cute. I could NEVER find it at Target..until today..yet again, everything just fell into place for me :)

On the counter-side of things...I kind of flopped my Junior Parent Info Night presentation ... ahhhg. Okay. I'm stopping here.

Sincerely,

Mariann

Dear Anonymous,

You're a really nice person. I guess that kind of got me fooled, but I can't say that I wasn't warned in the beginning. I'm a little torn and embarrassed, but it's nothing that I can't smile back on and move forward from. It's Human. Sometimes I wish I was not too curious about your life so that whatever that was said/done, I wouldn't have a reaction to it. Now that everything has been put into place, I truly and honestly wish you the best. I knew nothing would ever blossom, but I can't say I did not try. To be honest, I think I tried too much for it to become something or anything. I'm content to say we are nothing alike. That can be a good and a bad thing. But for this instance, it is a good thing. Now, I feel like everything is a blur. I wish I didn't expect something from you..even though I knew not to, I did, because I kind of believed in something that obviously was not there. Time has passed and we've all kept moving forward, but I really hope you don't forget about me. Even if you do, I wish you knew the complete story of my side. I wish you would have made a better effort towards me. Sometimes wishes come true, but this one was meant to stay in a dream. Thanks for everything.

-I guess it is therapeutic to be able to write to a specific anonymous just to get the word out, although they may never see it or know about it.-

Yours,
Mariann

Zoned out.

My Uncle passed away last Friday. Please keep him in your prayers- I'd really appreciate it, and I know he would too. It's a good note we left of on- to know that we spent Christmas together, and that I was the last time I would see you. I did not think it would be the last time, but it happened to be. A peaceful farewell to you, Uncle. I'll be looking for the rainbow you meant to shine to let me see. I know we never had the best relationship or even A relationship, but regardless of anything you have gone through, we stayed family. That'll never change. Thanks for being a part of our Lives. To be honest, you taught me to be everything you weren't. That's a good thing. You told my brother and myself to be responsible, successful and hard working. I will keep your word as a promise, as Matt has already shined forth. Take care and rest easy with the Lord. Please especially watch over the family. Me and dad aren't on good terms because I'm a teenager, and I know you know what it's like raising three crazy teens. Please bring some sense to all of us. I love you. See you someday, Uncle.

Always,
Mariann

Unopened Gift.

Sometimes we cross paths with people whom we care for. But, it comes to show that they don't realize how much love we have to give; or recognize a friendship we have to offer. Rather, they have conformed with other persons whom don't always have the best effect on them.

With that I said, I've always held strong with my prayers and praying. In retrospect, I should have prayed for them a decade ago..maybe even before I met them. I caught up with something that my priest says after the Lords Prayer, and that is: "Let us pray for the ones who have no one to pray for them". I really took this to heart and built upon this everyday.

Currently I have a few friends who aren't heading down the right path, in my eyes, and I continue to pray for them. I find it in my heart to accept what they are putting themselves into, and letting go; for it is not my responsibility of their actions. Although this kills me to see a friend lowly intoxicate themselves to unnecessary measures, physically, I have no motion to make a difference. So for you friends, I'll be praying. Whether you appreciate me as a friend or not, I'll try my best to catch you when and if you fall. I'm always here. You may never know that, but I am.

With Love,

Mariann

Smile As You Pray.

Hiiiiiiiiii!!! Ah, I know it has been so long since I've last blogged, and I have no good excuse for it..so let's get started yes?!

-> This Lenten season happened to be more than what I expected. I have witnessed a cocktail of emotions. First starting off with my elections.

I never really shared this on my blog, nor have I been keeping this blog up to date day by day. The story in a nutshell goes a little something like this: I am currently Class President and I know I have potential to take a higher position. Granted, I ran against a great competition and fell short. I fully take the blame for not putting myself out there enough. I think I felt weak going into the competition and it might have gotten the best of me. I definitely did not prepare myself well enough to fight a battle that should have won. All in all, the experience itself is still kind of numbing, but I got through this with the help of so many great people. My friends saw a more kind side of me and made sure they pointed that out to me. It warms my heart to know that they noticed, because I sure didn't. There were a few things that happened along the way, and despite of the outcome, I find myself praying for whomever chose to switch faces so suddenly. So with this experience, I felt as if I handled it very well. I'm not bitter towards the results, but I'm thankful that it happened. Now, I'm moving onward and upward in Life. I'm ready for whatever it is that I'm supposed to encounter.

-> 'No Meat' Fridays
This is a subject close to my heart. During this Lenten season, us Catholics understand why we sacrifice a day to fast. I think no matter the age, if you are capable of doing so, you should. It's just that simple. Last Friday, my high school had a luncheon called the "Top Dog" luncheon. It is basically a lunch for teachers who features one student for their outstanding attitude and/or achievements in their class. This time around, it was Chinese food: Chicken Fried Rice, Veggie Fried Rice, Sesame Chicken, and Broccoli&Beef. As a part of Student Government, we were allowed to partake in the event as we served the teachers and students. I was a little surprised to see teachers take in the whole bunch..wondering if they believed in what I believed. Besides the point, I have some friends who were Catholic, that shared the same beliefs. One came across to say "just because you eat meat does not mean that you're not Catholic. Eating meat or not doesn't mean anything". Coming from this person, it didn't come as a surprise to me..but I don't think it was a smart remark to make..but I guess everyone's entitled to their own opinion. Another said "man, I'm craving this so much..I'm honestly not gonna abide by the rule, it's whatever". I started to question, were they being "bad" Catholics by giving into temptation, or did they feel pressured to give in? Either way ..I know they were aware of it, I guess they don't take it too seriously to truly find a deeper meaning of Lent other than "giving something up" and "not eating meat". In another situation, my friend said " aw man..I can't eat meat today. *five seconds later* But my mom did say it was okay for me to eat it". It kind of shocked me to hear it from this person..but a person will do to their dismay.

I guess this shocked me because I don't think they understand that deeper meaning of fasting. To sacrifice ONE day. To better ourselves, our minds, and our bodies. To reflect. Now I'm not too sure if they take it all that seriously. I pondered that thought throughout the day, and it doesn't really bother me all that much anymore. All I can do is accept them for who they are, and love them as my brothers and sisters of God. I could take from this experience that I should not have to worry about this situation too much, but be able to pray for them. From these two experiences, I know the only thing I can change to make a difference in is, to say a little prayer. So to extract from all the busyness of this blog, prayer has gotten me through the hills and valleys that I faced. And, from this, I hope that you can find it in your heart to pray for all whom you know, will meet, and will never meet.

Respectfully yours,

Emme.