Reflect Back To The Grind.

Wow, it has been a while! I can't believe I've gone so long without a blog post. I'm trying to get Back To The Grind once again and stay consistent with this blog.

To find what you seek in the road of life,the best proverb of all is that which says:"Leave no stone unturned."- Edward Bulwer Lytton

I can honestly say that I am trying to abide by this, currently. I feel as if I pass up the stones too quickly, the ones left behind aren't turned. We seem to frolic through life and in situations, we opt to chose one thing or the other- almost like an ultimatum.

I'm having a hard time grasping the concept of everything around me. One day I'll get everything, and another, I'm completely lost. I feel like God has set this path for me, to let me know that It's Okay. It's okay to fall. It's okay to take chances. It's okay to try something new. It's OKAY to be open-hearted. It's okay. Everything's okay.

With this, I know it's okay to take chances. Who said they're guaranteed happiness? If not that, it's satisfaction with peace. Knowing that you tried is more rewarding than the actual victory of a battle.

If I could just let my Life set in itself, and let it unravel slowly, I wouldn't feel so stressed all the time. Wondering and hoping when some things will fall into place, is not the way to live. Not saying that this includes prayers, it doesn't. Praying is actually what has gotten me through my struggles. In those dark yet quiet moments, I hear the whispers of reassurance. If we wonder and hope, I honestly don't know where that'll take us. But I know for a fact, if we Pray through it, God will speak to us and nourish us with his Unfailing Love. Overcoming my battles is one thing, but what are battles without fight and chaos? You know, we don't always get our way THAT easily. With hard work, comes true reward- and I understand.

So, in this season, I have slowly but surely learned to Let go, and Let God. I am challenging YOU to take on this challenge with me. Let go, and Let God do His Will. Set down your worries and leave it up to God, for in His will, the destined will be done. I truly, truly, believe that His judgement is for what is right, whether we think otherwise or not.

Currently, going through the mixed emotions of everything in life, especially everything that has to do with school, I am slowly letting go. Not meaning that I don't care, but meaning that I CARE ENOUGH to Let God take on this course with me. That in His will, I will conquer this struggle; and whether I walk or fall, it's another lesson I have yet to learn. But through everything, I have promised to carry this Gracefully, as I know that's what Jesus would do. To do things out of Love. No matter enemy or friend, we pray for them, and love them all the same. You know what I mean?

I know it's a bundle of words, may be repetitive..or not, but I hope you get my point.

Always,
Mariann

You're My Favorite!

Funny thing just happened that brings me back to a scenario I ran across before.

-This happened through text-

Dad: B GOOD WN I M NOT HOME LOVE U AND MISS U

Me: Insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dad: Oh yes Wlll do

Me: SOON!!!! Have fun. Love you. Bye!

Dad: Tx you my favorite baby

This is brought me back to a story that I heard.

There was a Mother who cared for three kids. As they were occupied on the front lawn enjoying nature, the Mother asked for her oldest child. They were both faced to face in an empty room, and she said "Honey, out of your other siblings, you are my favorite". She then sent out her oldest back to the lawn and got her middle child. To that child, she said the same thing and once more to the younger child. This gave her kids a boost of confidence, evidently showing how much Momma cared for them- only want to see her kids achieving.

Just thought I'd share.

-Murrann.

The Feeling.

Father dearest is going to Oregon for a week to visit. I'm having mixed feelings about this, whether I'll miss him or am relieved that he will be gone. To my distraction, I was hoping he'd get me insurance for driving before he left, but....nada. So I await another week without insurance. Summer is summer and whatever happens, happens- I guess. Well..either way, insurance or no insurance, Dada or no Dada, Momma and I will have fun...it's just sometimes driving alone is more fun :P

-Murray

Realizing.

Before I realized that I wanted to blog again, I re-read what I had to say, in the past months. I could truly say that I've grown into someone who I wanted to be. From where I started to whom I've become, I'd always look for the good in every bad. So rooted in my Faith, I think it comes natural. Is it really human to do so? Not really. But I'm not saying that I'm superhuman. Through and through, as humans, we sometimes pursue in "the dream" and not "the reality". After attending this camp, I've realize you set yourself up for disaster in order to succeed. For instance, you shoot for what you could do, instead of what you can do. At first, I was puzzled- thinking: "Why waste your time aiming for something mediocre when you can get down to the point and aim for something achievable?" Though it is easier to see ourselves overcome rather than relinquish, we are afraid of taking the risk. In almost any concept, such as relationships, friendships, family or jobs... it all works out the same. Never would we settle for less, but never would we set up for more. Ah-it's a thought that has now gotten me overwhelmed. Then again, I think it holds true. Think about it. Realize.

Hallelujah.

These past few weeks have really opened my eyes...to the things that were unseen. I found out so many things I needed to know, I've discovered a new part of me, and I've numerously thanked God. During the three day weekend, I was really able to reflect on things that I never really thought about or things that I or others simply take for granted. Today, there was a homeless man trying to get some spare change. I didn't have any on me, but I wondered if I had the all the cents or dollar bills, would I have handed it to him? Is this God's way of telling me I'm selfish? Though, I remember on Tuesday, Nobell talked about egoists and that it's proven wrong that we're selfish. It gets to me that maybe I need to give more; not my time necessarily...but just to give more. Maybe that's what I've been lacking. Through wondrous jobs God has given me, being a part of the St.Paul's youth group ministry is honestly a TRUE BLESSING. And to this, I say Hallelujah. Forever will I want to do God's will, as a creation set upon this Earth...to change herself for the better or maybe possibly even change the world. Think about it: If we're willing to accept God's call in whatever and whenever...we can honestly CHANGE THE WORLD.

Amen!

Happy Easter! Rejoice!

Take care Grandpa.

Dear Grandpa,
I miss you terribly, even though it's only been a few days and hours. Today was your calling day, today was when God called you to be with him. I'm thankful that all your pain has gone, and that you're reuniting with Grandma, at this moment. I never imagined it would happen at this time and day, but I understand that you're 95 and you were getting weak. I love you and miss you so much. It has been kind of hard for me these past weeks at school. I appreciate all that you've done and everything you've taught me. Now I really wish I would've taken French so I can talk to you! The very last time I saw you...I said Goodbye to you in French :) I wish that Drew and especially Serena were old enough to understand how amazing you are. You're the prime of our family...literally! I really wish Julia was living her..because she's your youngest Grand-Daughter. I really enjoyed being your youngest Grand-Daughter...if only for a while =)

Grandpa, remember those times where you'd take our candy? It must've been the funniest thing! I remember I'd get disappointed but then I'd always laughed about it with my brother later on. It was those Strawberry "Rip Rolls". You were wearing that beige jacket...with those really big pockets. I remember the sounds of the plastic sounded so obvious, that you lying made it even funnier. Man, I won't EVER forget that. I also remember when Auntie Helen would make those nasty fruit shakes that we'd dislike so much...I agreed to dump it in the sink for you while she was outside cooking. Man, that was SO evil...but we sure did get giggles out of that! It was REALLY amazing how you played with Serena...if only for a while. I'll never delete that video and those pictures off my camera.

Lastly Gramps, please watch over the family. Especially my Mom. She's not really showing emotion...but what has happened in the past, she really needs you Grandpa. Though, I hope you do watch over all of us...especially Thomas ...he's so much more independent now. I remember you'd always get mad at him because he wouldn't listen to you! But thank you for never limiting my time with the TV =) You were the best babysitter ever...but you were definitely the worst liar ever! My love for you is higher than the sky. Take care..I will see you one day. Forever and ever, I love you!

RIP. August 1913-April 1, 2009


-Your youngest Grand-Daughter...in Sacramento ;]

Bye Bye - Mariah Carey